Friday 30 September 2011

Thoughts and Things! 09 (trust)

In a today's world trust has several meanings,

     "Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future."
 This can be dubbed the predictable trust, it is natural for human  beinging to think ahead ( I began thinking about my wedding from the age of 6 go figure lol).  but never the less in regards to trusting the "predictable trust" speaks of trusting one because you for see or expect them to act in in a trustworthy manner.

    "Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you."
This "trust for value of exchange" is simply one deciding to enter into an agreement with an unfamiliar person in good faith.

      "Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future."
" the Trust or delayed reciprocity"with this type of trust one believe one good deed brings forth another, do unto others as you wish them do unto you.



Typically the said refers to a situation depicted by one or more of the above, one person is willing and able to rely in entirety on the actions of another,  In addition, the person who is trusting would then hope that the actions performed by the person being trusted is in his/ her favour, with that said, the person trusting would then be unaware of the out come of the others actions, which  ultimately brings "expectations" into play. The uncertainty however brings about the risk of harm to the  person looking to trust if the party trusted does not act as desired.

Humans have a natural disposition to trust and to judge trustworthiness, it can arise in peer-to-peer relationships as well as between social groups (families, friends, communities, organisations, companies, nations.

But... In life who do you trust?

If every one around seem to feed of seeing you fall on your face.
If persons can't even expect to receive their desired outcome because it has now become societies norm  disappoint.

Coming up through the years i have trusted, mistrusted ,been trusted and have disappointed. I agree that i am not perfect, but it is and has never been my aim to not meet the expectations of another.

Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotional because in trusting you become vulnerable to the person you choose to trust who then would now have the opportunity to take full advantage of your openness.  Logical because it then allows you to reason out the loss if someone you trust doesn't meet your "expectations" vrs the gain of gratification u would experience if the person you choose to trust lives up to the said "expectations".

When you look at the meaning of the word in text book form it seems all simple but as we all know, especially in today's world trust is much more than just..."textbook trust".  it can make or break a relationship and in extreme cases destroy a nation.

I my life the ongoing trust struggle exists in my intimate relationships and well as my relationships with friends, family etc. I trust because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have decided to have faith in you. When I trust it brings about comfort, love, relaxation, contentment, but i have realised it when these emotions are eminent is when the turmoil begins.

So clearly no text book can tell you who to trust and who not to, my best advise is

"Never trust blindly but trust with all your heart"




 

Thursday 29 September 2011

Thoughts and things 08 ( the unseen love)

Running across the room anxious dieing to tell you what I have to say
But you can’t hear me! I’m to far away!
Drawing closer now screaming on top of my lungs!
And still… you don’t even turn your head
You’re not listening you ignore me instead!
I still proceed towards you as I feel what I have to say is worthy to be heard
I really need you to listen to me and take in every word
Now standing in front of your face crying begging you to hear me out
But still you refuse to it’s as if you don’t wanna hear what I’m about
I cry I bal I plead I beg
I’m hurt I’m upset I’m losing my head
But still you show no remorse
The harder I try to get you to listen the more its seem you don’t care
I’m now beginning to wonder why I’m even there
I’m now at your feet in shambles on the floor
But still you refuse to listen the reason of which I’m unsure
You get a perturbed on your face you start to walk a way
But I’ve cried so much, where u stood I still lay
I start to think to myself still lying on the floor
Why you would ignore me you have never done that before
I get up and start running frantically behind you
You stop and turn around… YES finally to you I got through
But instead of stopping you walk pass me and jump in to your car
I stand there baffled wondering who you are
Eventually I decided to come over to force u to listen to me
Because I honestly want you to know that it’s with you I want to be
I reach out you, and try to grab your hand as you lock the doors
WHAT THE FUCK I try to hold on to you and my hand goes straight through yours

I start to panic my head spins as I try to come to terms with just fucking happened
What the hell is wrong with me?
What has happened to me?
Why can’t you see me?
Why can’t I touch you?
Am I dead?
These are all the questions that start hurdling through my head

Coming to grips with the situation at hand
I really am an angel walking on land
Shit! I waited too long
I had almost 4 years to tell you how I really felt, that its was with u is where I belong
But I guess its too late now and you will neva know
I just have to hope that when I was alive it use to show!!!!!!

Thoughts and Things 07 ( ex-factor no2)

A beautiful summers day
To me that’s what’s you emulate
The bright sun being your smile
And the calmness of the atmosphere your attitude
Being with you makes me happy
Being with you makes me comfortable, at home

How can ones inner beauty have such a heavy impact on me?
Its like I’ve known you forever,
Why is this so?
Why is it that I can’t help but want to be around you?
My mind wonders but yet still its bare, null, I can find answers

All I know is that to me you’re a diamond under a bright light
You’re capable of filling an entire room with rays of colored beauty
You’re beautiful inside and out
I think that’s what has me in a fuss about you!

Genuine to me you seem
I think it’s too good to be true
You kiss me and it feels so real
You hold me and it feels so right
Please tell me that this is where I’m gonna be
Where I’m gonna stay

I want you to console my tender heart and neva hurt it
And not take for grated the love I have to you, as you say

Because I honestly feel
That my love bus has finally completed it route
And has found its way safely to the station to be parked
And never moved again

Damn it’s like I’ve found what I was missing
What I was missing was you! Love u MC!!

thoughts and things 06 (Lust)

Damn you got me in a dazz
I never knew this day would come
A day where I can’t wait till we go one on one

It’s funny to me though cus you’re committed to some one else and so am I
But I know u want this as much as I do we can’t let this feeling die

I not the one to cheat but I’m so into you
Can some one tell me just what the hell to do

Beause now we finally exchanged words the convo lasted jus over and hour
And the whole time we were talking I wish I was naked with you in a shower

Warm water trickling down our bodies, getting mix with our sweat
You touching me and me touching you
Doing naughty things we know we shouldn’t do



My mind so far I’m whelmed with lust
I need to let go of this feeling … damn I must

Because you evoke this feeling in me without even trying
Even though I know I’m not the only one dieing

Dieing to know what its like to fully experience a you and I
Dieing you have breath taking sex, that sex that leaves only one tear in your eye

Ooops you’ve got to go and I drag myself back to reality
Realizing you status is “friend”
Damn your evil why did this convo have to end

Now I have to go back to being your friend
Not saying I’m not pleased
But I was about to grip you tightly when my fantasy was ceased


Your voice lingers in my head like a catchy chorus
You every word repeated over and over

Wonder what it would be like to have u as a secret lover??
Maybe I could use you to break the trend
And we could start a friendship that we would never want to end

Hmm I know your thinking about it and I am too
I guess in time we will figure out what to do

All I know I’m sure you desire me just as I do you
Maybe we should do thing and keep it secret
That would make it that much more fun
Because hiding this is something we bout know how to do !!!!

Thoughts and Things 05 ( The ex factor love)

I put crayon to paper and I start to doodle
Thinking of what I my man to be like
Right now more than ever I need some one stable in my life
As I think I draw and as a draw I think
When will I ever be whole when will I ever be complete
Is there a perfect guy out there and will we ever meet
As thoughts rush through my head of my perfect other
So does he appear on the paper
Tall and of a cool complexion
Not too pretty but just right
Damn he’s almost perfect
As I steer at the paper now alive with colour
I’m inlove with the picture of my perfect other
Sigh if only he could come to life if only my drawing
My hearts desire could be mine
I start to jot down the things about him that I love
As it is only in my imagination I can be with my true love
He’s smart he’s witty and has a good sense of humor
Damn what else could a girl ask for
He’s charming he’s sweet
A bit rough around the edges but that’s adds to his individuality
No one wants anything to perfect right, plus he’s animation not reality
I sigh once a gain and my smile turns into a frown
Dragging my self to actuality from the love my crayon has found
As I look at my perfect man sketched out on the paper
Tears run down my cheek
And fall unto to table where my paper it will meet
As I get up from the table and turn to walk away
I feel I tap on my shoulder is it my lucky day?
I turn around and he’s standing
The man from my cartoon
I cant believe this is happening and happening so soon
At first I was at a los of word
So I said what could come out
I said what’s your name as I totally forgot to that pencil out
He looked at me and smiled
And then put my crayon to paper
He started to write, then paused
And asked me why I looked so confused
I then asked why the crayon you chose to use
He said i wanna use your technique
As it seems to turn out right
And I want nothing more than perfection
So im gonna cross my fingers tight
He wrote it letter by letter
So I was so anxious to see what it would spell
Looking at it full it spelt …………………:)

Thoughts and Things 04 ( Loving you)

I can’t forgive myself for loving you
Cus its something I can’t stop from doing
But why? The pain you’ve caused me is so great
A book cover to cover I could write to this date
I try to tear my self a way but as magnet to steel
I always yield, your ora pulls me in
A sweet poison I must say you are
I cant get enough
But the more I am consumed by my love for you
Is the more I lose my mind
Lose my sanity
Lose Me
I’m a hemophiliac I bleed your love daily, I’m weak but i cant die
I hate to love this love that evidently doesn’t love me
But there’s just something about you that has me wanting more
My soul in a distant place watching me kill myself emotionally
As I get deeper in you
But I cant stop my self and I don’t want to either
It may sound strange but I’m obsessed with loving you
I need to love you to survive
With out love for you I will die
Now numb to the emotional beating I receive
My internal scares begin to surface
But yet still I can’t get a way
I beg myself I plead with my self
But still I stay
I know I bruise easily
But I subject my self to this emotional warfare
The battle is never ending an the blows increase in intensity daily
But still I remain
As loyal as a solider out in the battle field
ILL NEVER LEAVE!

Thoughts and Things (Your Love)

Refusing to float in uncertainty
I address the issue of you and I
The subject matter that has been lying in wait
For years that have passed by
Now trying to handle the situation at best
I’ve decided to put us through a test
As each day roles over
I examine the depths of us
With vehement desire I try to figure it out, I must
Baby you don’t understand the depths of my feelings for you
Being with you is all I can seem to want to do
My comfort My Heart My All My Soul
My Everything!
My eyes only see you
Far from undesired you are
But my lips keep the secret my heart longs to tell
Even though my brain has put it all together very well
Fighting a losing battle with my lips,
I seek refuge on this very sheet of paper
Hoping I don’t live to regret it later
Placing the pen between my index and my thumb
Closing my eyes as I can’t fathom what is to come
My pen being my Ventriloquist projecting my thoughts
And this is what my love dummy brought
….
Baby every moment with you I Cherish
My bad Habit, that I never want to get rid of
I Adore you, you are so much more than Subterfuge,
More like a representation of what I need, in Extremity!

An Aberrant sensation plagues me
When I realize my rendezvous’ must come to an end
It’s like I cant come to grips with reality
As you complete my duet
My days spent with you not one I regret
You make me Calm, Humble, Amiable, Serene you accept me in Entirety!
I couldn’t and can’t help falling for you
Your personality made it that much harder for me to do
What I feel for you is real, just wanted u to know
You are my Darling darling and I’ll never let you go!